Today is 24 years ago....Twenty four years....
I have officially lived more then half my life without my brother....remembering what he looked like is easy....i have pictures...but sometimes, more often then not, remembering his voice is becoming harder and harder and it hurts me to think of it...to not remember his voice....anyways....
Back in August 1985 I was working at Kass Inn on route 30 in Margaretville as a dishwasher...back then it was a very busy place and I almost always worked very late on Friday and Saturday night...more often then not I would not be done with my work when my younger brother, Warren, would come to pick me up..I didn't drive back then so I always had to have someone come pick me up.... I do not remember one time that he came to get me and he didn't help me finish up..I would finish washing the pots and pans and he would do the mopping for me...That was a huge frigging' floor and ohhh how I hated mopping it every night...He would come in and just do it for me...he didn't complain he just did it....
The two other women I worked with on the weekends did not believe that he was my brother because he was so nice to them and to me...They teased me all the time no matter what I said they never believed me that he was my brother....
On this particular night we were going out after he picked me up...Back in 85 the drinking age was only 19 and we were both legal.....for some reason the girl he was seeing wasn't with him... when I had changed we went to a bar called 'The Emory Brook” .This bar was long and skinny with windows all the way across the front...the band played on a stage all the way down... away from the door....lots of people from Kass' were there and tons of others...a live band always drew a crowd....especially in the summer........even the two women I worked with were there.....the music was loud....the beer was cold and we were having a good time....one song ended and the next began.....a slow song....i rolled my eyes and smiled at my brother I was looking around to see if anyone else was not dancing … to me it seemed like the whole world was there and had a partner to dance with except me and my brother.....in the haze of my thoughts I saw a hand appear before my face and a voice said “May I have this dance” I looked up and it was Warren, my brother, asking me, his sister, to dance....He left his hand there before me waiting for me to take it...i put my hand in his and stood up and we started to dance....we talked and danced through the whole song...after the song ended my brother wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight..he looked down at me and said “ I love you, Jeanette don't ever forget it....” it was the single most memorable moment in my life with my brother...i felt loved, happy and special...
The people i worked with heard what he said to me....i never was able to convince then that he was my baby brother and not my boyfriend...
There was one other time in my life that my brother said those words to me....it was November 5th just a few months later....I had moved in with my sister Tracy and we lived in Hamden...We were in Grand Union in Delhi shopping and ran into my brother, mother and I believe grandma was there too in the store....Once again, right there in the middle of the store my brother wrapped his arms around me and said 'I love you, Jeanette don't ever forget it' …
The very next night my brother was gone...he died in a car accident...not even a mile from home...Mom found him...he died in my mother's arms...His first word was mom and so was his last....
A strange thing happened....when my parents finally went through his room they found his journal....in his journal in the second or third week of August he had written an entry called 'I cheated death'...he talked of sitting under our mammoth weeping willow tree in the back yard and cheating death....i think personally that it was the day after he had told me in the Emory Brook that he loved me....that God decided to give us a few months more with him before he took him to be with him....
I often wonder...what would my life be like if he was here....what would he be like?... I know that when I die I will see him and all the others I have loved who have moved on from this life...It's going to be a long time before I get there I have a lot of living to do....
I love you Warren and I Miss YOU!
I remember that day that Lois and I were driving back home and she saw the car in the building and stopped and told me to stay in the car. It was all a blur after that but I do remember lisa riding her bike down to comfort lois. I didn't know what was going on just that Lois never left his side. I really don't remember him, but boy to I remember Lois...my second mom!!
ReplyDeleteGod gives such sweet gifts. He loves you so much, Jeanette. Don't ever forget it. My heart is deeply, deeply touched by your story. I want to hug you and hold you and tell you how much I love you as well.
ReplyDeleteHe did have an amazing heart. It was nice to read your blog. It brought back a lot of memories.
ReplyDeleteJeanette,
ReplyDeleteThat was a lovely wonderfull story of you and your brother. I remember When we were young and I was staying at your house for about a week or so, during the summer. We were in our early teens and Warren and I wanted to go "Tubing" down that little creek that flowed through New Kingston. We went to a small truck and auto repair garage on the outside of town. Warren knew the owner (everybody knew everybody in New Kinston) and the owner let us have two large truck inner tubes. And we had a wonderfull time "tubing" down the creek. Years later, when I returned from Germany to attend his funeral, I saw the same garage with newer-looking cinder blocks on its corner. As it turned out, that was the same building corner into which he crashed.