A Kurdt to the Bone

As everyone knows you come from two people. You also know that these two people are called your parents. You have a mother with her side of the family and a father with his side of the family.

I have recently been reminded more then once how much like my mother i am.

There was a time in my life when i would have died if anyone said that. No teenage girl wants to be told that she looks like her mother or that she acts like her mother... to be associated with their families. All i ever wanted when i lived at home was to blend in and look like my siblings who looked more like my father's side of the family. The Squires side of the family.

Growing up in Margaretville being a Squires was something to be proud of! My dad was born and raised there! I was literally (not in a redneck way... lol) related to half the town. I had cousins, Aunts, uncles and grandparents EVERYWHERE. I could not go anywhere without running into a relative. Yes, I know, that can be a good thing or a bad thing... we'll revisit that at another time. Anyways, let's get back on track.

Through my eyes every female Squires was beautiful and every male relative was among the best looking males around. You should have heard everyone asking about my male cousins when they realized I, of all people, was a Squires more then once i had 'friends' because they wanted to meet my cousins or even my brother. I looked at my relatives and saw everything that i was not. They were all tall, slim, athletic, smart, funny etc... etc... etc.

Then there was me. Not really tall, not slim, not athletic, not smart but not stupid either with my green eyes, not blue like my dad, not beautiful brown like my mom, just green eyes, reddish hair, dad had dark hair, and certainly not dirty blond like my cousins.... reddish brown and so stupendously curly that i felt like Annie from 'The sun will come out tomorrow' fame. I can't begin to tell you how much time i spent straightening my wildly curly hair wishing it fell in soft waves down my back like my sister,Tracy's did her so dark it was almost black hair or straight in a glimmering curtain of dirty blond down to my waist like my sister Lisa. I never felt like a Squires, which was also egged on by my wonderful (insert eye roll here) older sister who had me convinced for years and years that i was NOT her real sister. Tracy had me to the point of being so upset by her teasing that i actually remember asking my mother if she found me somewhere or if i was adopted. I'm not the only one she did this to she had Lisa convinced she was from a Cabbage Patch.

Most of the year was like that I was constantly wishing i was more like the Squires side of my family. But then a school vacation would come or summer. I can remember last days of school when more then two full months of freedom stretched out before me with the promise of reconnecting with my "Kurdt" family. I would finally be entrenched in the side of the family that i looked more like. It was the most awesome feeling in the world!!! My Kurdt cousins had curly hair, green eyes, the same shaped face now was the time for me to 'fit' in.
It is amazing to me to think back and remember how i felt back all those years ago...

Just a couple weeks ago one of my Kurdt cousins got married. There was a lot of laughing with my mother's side. I heard many many times how much i look like my mother... Aunt Jean, who has Alzheimer's called me Lois...and i just looked at her and smiled...i kissed her cheek.... hugged her close... It was the first time in a long time that i felt my mother was near...

I know that my mother changed a lot before she died. I know that when i was a teenager and into my early twenties that no matter what i was going through & no matter what i needed my mother was there for me. She was my very best friend and confidant. I loved my mother with all my heart and soul and i know now that without her i would not be who i am,. And who I am is:

A Kurdt to the bone..