My Own Language

Language... what is it? It's words...Dictionary.com defines word as:

word –noun
1.a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Then there was a whole bunch of other stuff. How profound is it that something as simple as a word can change the entire course of events, make history, cause laughter & bring you to tears.

Words have always (well almost always) been my means of expressing myself...Back in middle school and high school some of my teachers had me keep a journal...The very first teacher to make me do this was Ms. Lemke... Everyday i had to write in this journal my teacher didn't care what we wrote as long as we wrote something. At first I hated the idea of doing this and hated the fact that at the beginning of every class we HAD to write in our journals for five whole minutes... Being the rebellious, PMSing little 'witch' that I was would sit at my desk and for the entire five minutes writing iF yoU Cee Kay or Sugar Honey Iced Tea (read the capitalized letter of each word) time after time...

The first time I turned in the notebook for a grade Ms. Lemke handed mine back to me and told me how creative my mind was... I busted out laughing and sat back in my chair with a whole new respect for my teacher... I completely expected to be sent to the principles office or at the very least get some detention for being such a wise ass. .. Nope...Not going to happen... she later told me (years later) that she laughed so hard she cried when she looked over my journal...she said she could not fail me because i did what she asked...I wrote every day...the fact that i chose in my smartassedness to write curses everyday did not change the fact that I wrote every day just as she asked.

From that moment on my world changed. I started writing EVERYTHING short stories, poems, long stories, children's stories...after that day a notebook & pen were always close at hand...I wrote about my hopes, my dreams, my loves and my heartbreaks...I wrote when i was happy .... i wrote when i was sad.... i remember one time i was crying so hard as i wrote the words smeared into a blob on the page...when i turned the notebook in she wrote 'is everything OK?' next to the smear of words...for the life of me i cannot remember why i was so upset...It had become my outlet...writing...words...language...it saved my soul helped me discover who I was and what i was going to be in this life.

For a long time after I graduated high school i still wrote...but i was not writing as often as i had in school...slowly over time i stopped writing all together and events in life kept me from starting again....well if i wanted to be honest i should retract that and say i chose not to write for a long time because i did not feel secure enough to express myself with the written word... Then back somewhere in the early nineties the most amazing thing i had seen in years was in my house a COMPUTER...it was like in the cartoons when Tom was chasing Jerry and smashed into the wall so hard he stuck there for a few seconds then slid down like he was made of paste....the words just started to flow out of me and i started writing a journal again...then i discovered a chat room that had a whole slew of creative people and chatting helped me to tone up my typing skills...now i am a four or even sometimes a five fingered pecker now....i was a two finger pecker back then....

As i mentioned i have grown and changed over time...now as i ease into my middle forties i am becoming more secure in myself and am finally coming into my own person... the words that flow from my fingers and burst onto the blog will help me once again express myself in ways that nothing else can do...to allow me to share the feelings in my heart and soul for those i love and the patience for those who seem to want to test my ability to look at the lighter side of expression...yes there is also a 'dark" side to expression....words can also be used to hurt....to lie...to spit venomous descriptions at each other...it is my goal not to use my words in a venomous way...

think....use your words....have your own language....express yourself!