Do you have a bucket list? I do.... I think everyone does whether they call it a Bucket list or something else....
Recent events have .... That's how i was going to start this blog but as soon as I typed the words I knew they were wrong....It isn't just recent events this has been a year of events.... In the beginning of the year my cousin died...she was from my mother's side of the family...she was the first of "the cousins" to die and it was very shocking to me.... yes shocking...
you spend your life learning the lessons...trough the loss of beloved toys.... pets.... friends... grandparents.... it's not that the people that you lose are any less important when your growing up they just more or less fit into the lessons your supposed to learn....sometimes the lessons are especially hard like losing a sibling or a parent when you are very young ... but these lessons are a necessary part of making us into the adults we become....
I realize now, even as i go on, that maybe it's just MY life lessons....any way...all my life growing up I had all my cousins....on my mother's side anyway.... It wasn't something we thought about...it's just the way it was....then my brother died and he was the first cousin to die for everyone else except for us Warren's sisters....we still had all of our cousins....
I was 44 when Jeannie died...The very unexpected death of her started my deep investigation into my own mortality.... It has not been an easy road either.... who really wants to think about dying?... I keep telling my son and my husband that when i die I want them to Burn Me .... Urn Me .... and take me with you...I don't want to be buried somewhere left behind when life takes the people who loved me away from where I am.... Take me with you!!!.. I must insert right here I really wanted them to take me to a taxidermist and have me stuffed so i could watch over them (ha ha ha) .... they know that even when I am gone I am going to haunt them they just don't want to dust me and change my clothes...so I wont be getting stuffed when i die.....
All kidding aside....sorry if that offended anyone but, who do you know that could sit around and talk about their deaths and not say something funny?...Everybody needs levity to ease the hardest and the darkest times... That's another thing I have always said "I couldn't make it through this life if i couldn't laugh" .... I truly think i wouldn't make it without laughter....
The last eight days have been hard....The first cousin on my father's side of the family of my generation died and she was younger then me....That puts a whole new spin on it....Younger then me and her life on this earth is over....she leaves behind children... parents... sister.... friends... cousins....pets... it's hard to understand why these things happen at times but...
I like to think from what I know of Sharon that she knew something I didn't ... i mean about her own mortality.... from the conversations I have had with people and my own experiences with her... I know Sharon had a great sense of humor... she had to have one to be in OUR family....I know she was a fabulous mom...that is just something you can't fake...The emotions I have felt this week have run the whole gamut for her family....her sister has to know that if she needs me to talk to...to listen...for whatever I am here....her parents.... i remember how my parents were when my brother died... it's not a kind of hurt i would wish on my worst enemy.... the last communication i had with Sharon was a public post she made on Facebook... she said and i quote "Life is good. God is great" ...and then she said to someone who commented words to the effect of "If you believe in the second part the first part follows..."
how ironic to me that she made that post 2 days before she died.... did she know a secret? ...it makes me wonder...There has not been a day gone by that I haven't thought of her since I heard of her passing...before she passed away I in a way thought of her every day... In this last year as I have become more aware of my mortality I find myself praying more and always included family in a blanket type cover of "those i love and care for" in my prayers...
Am I afraid to die? No I really don't think I am...do I want to die?...someday.. yeah i know it's inevitable...but I want to live long enough to be that sassy old lady the Facebook quiz said I was going to be....or to be like my Grandmother who, at 80 something damn near fell out of the window of my mother's car as she tried to grab herself some construction guy muscle as we drove through road construction on our way to Kingston one day yelling all the while "Come on BOYS give Granny some sugar!!!" I don't have to tell you it was one of the funniest things I EVER saw in my life....the look on those guys faces to see this old lady leaning out the window trying to grab herself some of them was so funny i didn't even have time to be embarrassed....
now back to subject....Bucketlists....I have a few of them...
Son:
1. See him have children...I want to be a grandmother....
2. See him love someone with his whole heart and to have that love returned
3. Have him just once take the garbage out without being told...lol...just kidding...not really!
Couple:
1. Go to Greece
2. Travel
3. Start a business
4. Go on our honeymoon..(One night in Merrits does not constitute honeymoon)
Personal
1. Go in a hot air balloon
2. skydiving
3. live on the beach for at least a year.
4. Go to the west coast
5. Have the truck move off my lawn...(it's been there a long time...10+ years)
there are other things that I want to do...I need a lot more years....I don't plan for my Bucket List to ever be done....I hope every year I can add more to it....
to all the people in my life now and to those i hope to meet one day THANKS...Thanks for making me the person I am and for who I am going to be...
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
November the Oneth
It's that time of year again....It's getting cooler out....sunset comes much earlier.....thank goodness i say! ....now i don't have to be up half the night to take sunset pictures....In my humble opinion it is the only GOOD reason to have winter...
I'm sure that no one has ever heard me say how much i hate to be cold....(insert dramatic smirk here)...how much i hate winter....if my sisters were to think of it they would remember i spent way less time outside in winter then they did...I was more likely to be found sitting on the fireplace blistering the skin on my back with the heat of the fire or playing Scrabble, Yahtzee or Canasta with mom & grandma in the kitchen...(stopping my typing for a few moments and remembering....)
or I would be up sitting next to grandma on her bed doing a circle the word book.....i cannot begin to tell you how many hours i spent doing circle word books with my grandmother...i loved the time I spent with grandma...and if ever Grandma was upset with me she would not allow me to come up when i asked...I can remember a few times that grandma wouldn't let me come up and i can remember sitting on the bottom step leading up to her room and crying because she said no....i thought my heart had broken into a million pieces for sure....You can bet that when grandma finally allowed me back upstairs to sit next to her i tried my damnedest to never ever have her be upset with me again...there were very few times she ever said no to me...
Another 'thing' about grandma that always made me smile as it did with all of her grandchildren is that she loved Tigger....yup Tigger from Winnie the pooh...we would ask her every day "Grandma, where's tigger today"....she would give us his location every day... some days he would be walking in the woods...others he would be in china or Hawaii ....she would tell us that he was doing a Chinese dragon dance or dancing with hula hula girls....to this day if i see a hula girl on someones dashboard i think of tigger doing the hula with the beautiful Hawaiian women...Other days she would say to us didn't you see him today?? He was in school with you today....
This time of year always brings back many memories to me even though I always hated the fact that this meant winter snow and freezing cold were soon to follow. But before the time of year that i really dislike comes it's THE HOLIDAYS!!!! To us the holidays started the weekend before opening day of hunting season...That's when Aunt Ruth and Uncle Frank came up from Long Island! For as long as i can remember they came up for hunting season. Aunt Ruth was my grandmother's sister so she was actually my Great Aunt....All four of us kids loved them soooooo much...we knew Warren was Uncle Frank's favorite but they were always so wonderful to us we really didn't care....
The first day of hunting season was known as "Deer Day..." yup, that's what school called it...they stopped fighting all the bus drivers and just closed school on opening day...if school didn't close on that day all the bus drivers would call in sick..school would end up delayed or closed anyways.... These days i do believe they call it Superintendents Conference day...
One of their traditions of coming up was to bring Entenmann's crumb cakes with them...you would have thought that they brought solid gold with them...we all loved them....back then it was more like the ultimate crumb of today....I do believe that in the late 60s and 70s it was not as easy to find Entenmann's cakes upstate.
Somewhere on one of the discs of scanned pictures i have here are pictures of mom, Aunt Ruth & grandma Rene playing cards in the kitchen and "playing their instruments" ((the tinfoil, paper towel card board, spatula guitar)) and singing silly songs...One of the ones i remember them dissolving into laughter that left them gasping for air is I'll call it 'Roll me over' I don't know if i ever knew the real name it goes something like this:
Roll me over in the clover
RRRRRRRoooooollllllll me over..
lay me down do it again
This is number oneand we're going to have some fun
Roll me over in the clover
Rrrrrrroooollllll me over..
lay me downdo it again
This is number two
I forgot to tie my shoe
Roll me over in the clover
Rrroooooooollllll me over..
lay me downdo it again
This is number threeI got to take a pee
Roll me over in the clover
Rrrrrrooooolllllll me over..
lay me down do it again
and the song would go on... over and over different words most times but always filled with with tons of laughter....my son has said to me a zillion times "Where do you get this stuff from?" I laugh and most of the time he knows the answer "Nana"... But it isn't just Nana it's part of my life....it's who i am....
So now as the holidays are upon us I just want to remind everyone to hold those you love for that extra second....cherish everyone..... soak up the memories...the traditions... the laughter....
I'm sure that no one has ever heard me say how much i hate to be cold....(insert dramatic smirk here)...how much i hate winter....if my sisters were to think of it they would remember i spent way less time outside in winter then they did...I was more likely to be found sitting on the fireplace blistering the skin on my back with the heat of the fire or playing Scrabble, Yahtzee or Canasta with mom & grandma in the kitchen...(stopping my typing for a few moments and remembering....)
or I would be up sitting next to grandma on her bed doing a circle the word book.....i cannot begin to tell you how many hours i spent doing circle word books with my grandmother...i loved the time I spent with grandma...and if ever Grandma was upset with me she would not allow me to come up when i asked...I can remember a few times that grandma wouldn't let me come up and i can remember sitting on the bottom step leading up to her room and crying because she said no....i thought my heart had broken into a million pieces for sure....You can bet that when grandma finally allowed me back upstairs to sit next to her i tried my damnedest to never ever have her be upset with me again...there were very few times she ever said no to me...
Another 'thing' about grandma that always made me smile as it did with all of her grandchildren is that she loved Tigger....yup Tigger from Winnie the pooh...we would ask her every day "Grandma, where's tigger today"....she would give us his location every day... some days he would be walking in the woods...others he would be in china or Hawaii ....she would tell us that he was doing a Chinese dragon dance or dancing with hula hula girls....to this day if i see a hula girl on someones dashboard i think of tigger doing the hula with the beautiful Hawaiian women...Other days she would say to us didn't you see him today?? He was in school with you today....
This time of year always brings back many memories to me even though I always hated the fact that this meant winter snow and freezing cold were soon to follow. But before the time of year that i really dislike comes it's THE HOLIDAYS!!!! To us the holidays started the weekend before opening day of hunting season...That's when Aunt Ruth and Uncle Frank came up from Long Island! For as long as i can remember they came up for hunting season. Aunt Ruth was my grandmother's sister so she was actually my Great Aunt....All four of us kids loved them soooooo much...we knew Warren was Uncle Frank's favorite but they were always so wonderful to us we really didn't care....
The first day of hunting season was known as "Deer Day..." yup, that's what school called it...they stopped fighting all the bus drivers and just closed school on opening day...if school didn't close on that day all the bus drivers would call in sick..school would end up delayed or closed anyways.... These days i do believe they call it Superintendents Conference day...
One of their traditions of coming up was to bring Entenmann's crumb cakes with them...you would have thought that they brought solid gold with them...we all loved them....back then it was more like the ultimate crumb of today....I do believe that in the late 60s and 70s it was not as easy to find Entenmann's cakes upstate.
Somewhere on one of the discs of scanned pictures i have here are pictures of mom, Aunt Ruth & grandma Rene playing cards in the kitchen and "playing their instruments" ((the tinfoil, paper towel card board, spatula guitar)) and singing silly songs...One of the ones i remember them dissolving into laughter that left them gasping for air is I'll call it 'Roll me over' I don't know if i ever knew the real name it goes something like this:
Roll me over in the clover
RRRRRRRoooooollllllll me over..
lay me down do it again
This is number oneand we're going to have some fun
Roll me over in the clover
Rrrrrrroooollllll me over..
lay me downdo it again
This is number two
I forgot to tie my shoe
Roll me over in the clover
Rrroooooooollllll me over..
lay me downdo it again
This is number threeI got to take a pee
Roll me over in the clover
Rrrrrrooooolllllll me over..
lay me down do it again
and the song would go on... over and over different words most times but always filled with with tons of laughter....my son has said to me a zillion times "Where do you get this stuff from?" I laugh and most of the time he knows the answer "Nana"... But it isn't just Nana it's part of my life....it's who i am....
So now as the holidays are upon us I just want to remind everyone to hold those you love for that extra second....cherish everyone..... soak up the memories...the traditions... the laughter....
Friday, November 6, 2009
May I Have This Dance
Today is 24 years ago....Twenty four years....
I have officially lived more then half my life without my brother....remembering what he looked like is easy....i have pictures...but sometimes, more often then not, remembering his voice is becoming harder and harder and it hurts me to think of it...to not remember his voice....anyways....
Back in August 1985 I was working at Kass Inn on route 30 in Margaretville as a dishwasher...back then it was a very busy place and I almost always worked very late on Friday and Saturday night...more often then not I would not be done with my work when my younger brother, Warren, would come to pick me up..I didn't drive back then so I always had to have someone come pick me up.... I do not remember one time that he came to get me and he didn't help me finish up..I would finish washing the pots and pans and he would do the mopping for me...That was a huge frigging' floor and ohhh how I hated mopping it every night...He would come in and just do it for me...he didn't complain he just did it....
The two other women I worked with on the weekends did not believe that he was my brother because he was so nice to them and to me...They teased me all the time no matter what I said they never believed me that he was my brother....
On this particular night we were going out after he picked me up...Back in 85 the drinking age was only 19 and we were both legal.....for some reason the girl he was seeing wasn't with him... when I had changed we went to a bar called 'The Emory Brook” .This bar was long and skinny with windows all the way across the front...the band played on a stage all the way down... away from the door....lots of people from Kass' were there and tons of others...a live band always drew a crowd....especially in the summer........even the two women I worked with were there.....the music was loud....the beer was cold and we were having a good time....one song ended and the next began.....a slow song....i rolled my eyes and smiled at my brother I was looking around to see if anyone else was not dancing … to me it seemed like the whole world was there and had a partner to dance with except me and my brother.....in the haze of my thoughts I saw a hand appear before my face and a voice said “May I have this dance” I looked up and it was Warren, my brother, asking me, his sister, to dance....He left his hand there before me waiting for me to take it...i put my hand in his and stood up and we started to dance....we talked and danced through the whole song...after the song ended my brother wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight..he looked down at me and said “ I love you, Jeanette don't ever forget it....” it was the single most memorable moment in my life with my brother...i felt loved, happy and special...
The people i worked with heard what he said to me....i never was able to convince then that he was my baby brother and not my boyfriend...
There was one other time in my life that my brother said those words to me....it was November 5th just a few months later....I had moved in with my sister Tracy and we lived in Hamden...We were in Grand Union in Delhi shopping and ran into my brother, mother and I believe grandma was there too in the store....Once again, right there in the middle of the store my brother wrapped his arms around me and said 'I love you, Jeanette don't ever forget it' …
The very next night my brother was gone...he died in a car accident...not even a mile from home...Mom found him...he died in my mother's arms...His first word was mom and so was his last....
A strange thing happened....when my parents finally went through his room they found his journal....in his journal in the second or third week of August he had written an entry called 'I cheated death'...he talked of sitting under our mammoth weeping willow tree in the back yard and cheating death....i think personally that it was the day after he had told me in the Emory Brook that he loved me....that God decided to give us a few months more with him before he took him to be with him....
I often wonder...what would my life be like if he was here....what would he be like?... I know that when I die I will see him and all the others I have loved who have moved on from this life...It's going to be a long time before I get there I have a lot of living to do....
I love you Warren and I Miss YOU!
I have officially lived more then half my life without my brother....remembering what he looked like is easy....i have pictures...but sometimes, more often then not, remembering his voice is becoming harder and harder and it hurts me to think of it...to not remember his voice....anyways....
Back in August 1985 I was working at Kass Inn on route 30 in Margaretville as a dishwasher...back then it was a very busy place and I almost always worked very late on Friday and Saturday night...more often then not I would not be done with my work when my younger brother, Warren, would come to pick me up..I didn't drive back then so I always had to have someone come pick me up.... I do not remember one time that he came to get me and he didn't help me finish up..I would finish washing the pots and pans and he would do the mopping for me...That was a huge frigging' floor and ohhh how I hated mopping it every night...He would come in and just do it for me...he didn't complain he just did it....
The two other women I worked with on the weekends did not believe that he was my brother because he was so nice to them and to me...They teased me all the time no matter what I said they never believed me that he was my brother....
On this particular night we were going out after he picked me up...Back in 85 the drinking age was only 19 and we were both legal.....for some reason the girl he was seeing wasn't with him... when I had changed we went to a bar called 'The Emory Brook” .This bar was long and skinny with windows all the way across the front...the band played on a stage all the way down... away from the door....lots of people from Kass' were there and tons of others...a live band always drew a crowd....especially in the summer........even the two women I worked with were there.....the music was loud....the beer was cold and we were having a good time....one song ended and the next began.....a slow song....i rolled my eyes and smiled at my brother I was looking around to see if anyone else was not dancing … to me it seemed like the whole world was there and had a partner to dance with except me and my brother.....in the haze of my thoughts I saw a hand appear before my face and a voice said “May I have this dance” I looked up and it was Warren, my brother, asking me, his sister, to dance....He left his hand there before me waiting for me to take it...i put my hand in his and stood up and we started to dance....we talked and danced through the whole song...after the song ended my brother wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight..he looked down at me and said “ I love you, Jeanette don't ever forget it....” it was the single most memorable moment in my life with my brother...i felt loved, happy and special...
The people i worked with heard what he said to me....i never was able to convince then that he was my baby brother and not my boyfriend...
There was one other time in my life that my brother said those words to me....it was November 5th just a few months later....I had moved in with my sister Tracy and we lived in Hamden...We were in Grand Union in Delhi shopping and ran into my brother, mother and I believe grandma was there too in the store....Once again, right there in the middle of the store my brother wrapped his arms around me and said 'I love you, Jeanette don't ever forget it' …
The very next night my brother was gone...he died in a car accident...not even a mile from home...Mom found him...he died in my mother's arms...His first word was mom and so was his last....
A strange thing happened....when my parents finally went through his room they found his journal....in his journal in the second or third week of August he had written an entry called 'I cheated death'...he talked of sitting under our mammoth weeping willow tree in the back yard and cheating death....i think personally that it was the day after he had told me in the Emory Brook that he loved me....that God decided to give us a few months more with him before he took him to be with him....
I often wonder...what would my life be like if he was here....what would he be like?... I know that when I die I will see him and all the others I have loved who have moved on from this life...It's going to be a long time before I get there I have a lot of living to do....
I love you Warren and I Miss YOU!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
The Midnight Marauder
As I have said many times before my mother had a very unique warpedness to her...She took special steps to make sure that she shared it with her children.....
She had these friends, Alan and Kathy, when I was teenager...Alan and his wife were very good friends of both my parents.... I can remember many nights of Alan & Kathy coming to our house and just hanging out...somehow someway my mother and Alan got into a practical joke contest....
The joke started out with silly things like the bug in the ice cube....or she would be eating cake or something and make this terrible face and say to Alan "Did you smell that?" and when he went to smell it she'd smoosh it in his face and he'd have frosting all over his face and hair....yes his hair too...my mother always told me if your going to do something do it right or not at all....so none of this love tap smooshing....when the person fell for the lame old trick you had to make sure they had cake so far up their noses they had snacks for a week.....
On a side note here: there are a couple people in this world that fell for the "Did you smell that" gag with me and to this day still think they 'owe me one' because they were stupid enough to fall for it more then once....ha ha ha suuuuuuuccccckkkkkeeers!!!!! One I 'cringe' when i think of how he is finally going to get me...the other i laugh at because i hardly see him any more....But then again maybe I shouldn't discount anyone who thinks they owe me for a gag....
The first time mom got him really good....Alan drove this green truck that he had built the sides up so he could carry large loads of wood or whatever....well Alan had brought the truck to our house....my mother was out back by it and noticed a p0air of tighty whities that had been living in the mud and yard for God knows how long...they were realllllllly nasty....she took my dad's staple gun and stapled them to the side of Alan's truck....she fully expected to get a phone call a couple hours later....well that afternoon went by.....the next day went by and the one after that it wasn't until THREE days later that alan fiunally noticed them....In the mean time he had driven all over the place with these filthy, muddy disgusting tighty whities stapled to the side of his truck for DAYS!!!! We laughed every day for months over that one... Mom and i had even taken rides into town to check and see if he had found them and was just ignoring it...every time we checked they were still there.... Ohhhh MAN was he pissed when he finally found them...I dont remember what he did in retaliation fo it but it had to be something really good because the next few things mom decided to do she would leave a note that was signed
The Midnight Marauder
Finally mom had to start getting really creative and striking under the cover of darkness...One day mom and I filled I think five green garbage bags with the little small balloons (They were only filled with air) But think about it....five garbage bags filled with wiffle ball sized balloons...
we parked the car under the pavillion behind the A&P in town.... we snuck the bags 0f balloons across the field to Alan's truck...he used to park his truck behind his house....which ended up beinging a baseball sized field away from the pavillion... we filled the cab of his truck with the balloons and left our note taped to the steering wheel....just as we were emptying the last bag of balloons into the cab we hear the fire whistle go off in Arkville....yup you guessed it Alan was a volunteer for Arkville....so here's me and mom running across the field behind the A & P half a bag of balloons emptying behind us as we tried to get to the pavilion where the car was hidden without being caught...if mom got caught pranking Alan there was a consequence i believe...we barely made it under when Alan came running out of the house to his truck.....mom and i were sprawled across the hood of the car trying to catch our breath laughing so hard we were crying.....When Alan opened the door... the balloons started falling out...we heard them popping as he pushed into the cab and took off heading for route 28 so he could get to the firehall....mom and i got in the car and followed.....all over the place down Route 28 you saw balloons....it was soooo funny...when we got to Arkville mom beeped and waved at Alan and he gave us the finger!!!...
Alan told me years later... that had to be one of the funniest things the Midnight Marauder ever did...
I miss doing those silly things...i miss my mom...so friends...neighbors etc...the Midnight Marauder may return...she is like Zorro....if there is a need he appears.....it will be the same with the Midnight Marauder!! Maybe for old times sake one night i will go and wrap Alan's car in saran wrap again and leave a note that says:
In Memory of the Midnight Marauder
She had these friends, Alan and Kathy, when I was teenager...Alan and his wife were very good friends of both my parents.... I can remember many nights of Alan & Kathy coming to our house and just hanging out...somehow someway my mother and Alan got into a practical joke contest....
The joke started out with silly things like the bug in the ice cube....or she would be eating cake or something and make this terrible face and say to Alan "Did you smell that?" and when he went to smell it she'd smoosh it in his face and he'd have frosting all over his face and hair....yes his hair too...my mother always told me if your going to do something do it right or not at all....so none of this love tap smooshing....when the person fell for the lame old trick you had to make sure they had cake so far up their noses they had snacks for a week.....
On a side note here: there are a couple people in this world that fell for the "Did you smell that" gag with me and to this day still think they 'owe me one' because they were stupid enough to fall for it more then once....ha ha ha suuuuuuuccccckkkkkeeers!!!!! One I 'cringe' when i think of how he is finally going to get me...the other i laugh at because i hardly see him any more....But then again maybe I shouldn't discount anyone who thinks they owe me for a gag....
The first time mom got him really good....Alan drove this green truck that he had built the sides up so he could carry large loads of wood or whatever....well Alan had brought the truck to our house....my mother was out back by it and noticed a p0air of tighty whities that had been living in the mud and yard for God knows how long...they were realllllllly nasty....she took my dad's staple gun and stapled them to the side of Alan's truck....she fully expected to get a phone call a couple hours later....well that afternoon went by.....the next day went by and the one after that it wasn't until THREE days later that alan fiunally noticed them....In the mean time he had driven all over the place with these filthy, muddy disgusting tighty whities stapled to the side of his truck for DAYS!!!! We laughed every day for months over that one... Mom and i had even taken rides into town to check and see if he had found them and was just ignoring it...every time we checked they were still there.... Ohhhh MAN was he pissed when he finally found them...I dont remember what he did in retaliation fo it but it had to be something really good because the next few things mom decided to do she would leave a note that was signed
The Midnight Marauder
Finally mom had to start getting really creative and striking under the cover of darkness...One day mom and I filled I think five green garbage bags with the little small balloons (They were only filled with air) But think about it....five garbage bags filled with wiffle ball sized balloons...
we parked the car under the pavillion behind the A&P in town.... we snuck the bags 0f balloons across the field to Alan's truck...he used to park his truck behind his house....which ended up beinging a baseball sized field away from the pavillion... we filled the cab of his truck with the balloons and left our note taped to the steering wheel....just as we were emptying the last bag of balloons into the cab we hear the fire whistle go off in Arkville....yup you guessed it Alan was a volunteer for Arkville....so here's me and mom running across the field behind the A & P half a bag of balloons emptying behind us as we tried to get to the pavilion where the car was hidden without being caught...if mom got caught pranking Alan there was a consequence i believe...we barely made it under when Alan came running out of the house to his truck.....mom and i were sprawled across the hood of the car trying to catch our breath laughing so hard we were crying.....When Alan opened the door... the balloons started falling out...we heard them popping as he pushed into the cab and took off heading for route 28 so he could get to the firehall....mom and i got in the car and followed.....all over the place down Route 28 you saw balloons....it was soooo funny...when we got to Arkville mom beeped and waved at Alan and he gave us the finger!!!...
Alan told me years later... that had to be one of the funniest things the Midnight Marauder ever did...
I miss doing those silly things...i miss my mom...so friends...neighbors etc...the Midnight Marauder may return...she is like Zorro....if there is a need he appears.....it will be the same with the Midnight Marauder!! Maybe for old times sake one night i will go and wrap Alan's car in saran wrap again and leave a note that says:
In Memory of the Midnight Marauder
Friday, October 16, 2009
Downhill Ice Skating
Recently i was told i am severely twisted...I can now proudly say I am NOT the only severely twisted person in the world...
My husband ( i know... i know poor sucker) (but believe me he was demented long before i met him) (he's part of the reason why i am severely twisted) was just now walking out of the living room carrying a laundry basket yelling "BOCK BOCK BOCK CHICKEN WINGS" only to reflect what we were watching on TV... but, none the less, there he was in his big dog sleep pants, his dyke's lumber t-shirt and his now very short hair sticking up like he is the joker from batman flapping his arms and yelling "BOCK BOCK BOCK CHICKEN WINGS!!" It's a nut house i live in I swear it!
Anyways....a few weeks ago we had a conversation about new events for the Olympics... today he comes to me with his 'best' idea ever...Downhill Ice skating... yes think about it...let it roll around your brain for a few minutes....downhill Ice skating...Imagine how scary that would be...only someone who's cheese was rapidly sliding off their crackers would think of something as twisted and demented as downhill ice skating...
I thought about events like scaring...you set up this plan to scare someone and then execute it...imagine how inventive it would be....when my friend Michele and i are walking on the reservoir taking pictures and talking all of a sudden a GIANT KING KONG sized gorilla head shows up in the middle of the reservoir and starts moving towards us......or...or....ahead of us across the guardrails a gigantic octopus arm flops down across the road flattening everyone in front of us and sucking them up and pulling into the depths of the reservoir all the while we'd both be screaming like suicidal bombers in WWII......contestants would be graded on how fearful the victims appeared, intensity of screaming (hmmmm maybe a scream chart is needed)and creativity....
It's an idea i don't know if it will ever happen but could you imagine?? LOL
My husband ( i know... i know poor sucker) (but believe me he was demented long before i met him) (he's part of the reason why i am severely twisted) was just now walking out of the living room carrying a laundry basket yelling "BOCK BOCK BOCK CHICKEN WINGS" only to reflect what we were watching on TV... but, none the less, there he was in his big dog sleep pants, his dyke's lumber t-shirt and his now very short hair sticking up like he is the joker from batman flapping his arms and yelling "BOCK BOCK BOCK CHICKEN WINGS!!" It's a nut house i live in I swear it!
Anyways....a few weeks ago we had a conversation about new events for the Olympics... today he comes to me with his 'best' idea ever...Downhill Ice skating... yes think about it...let it roll around your brain for a few minutes....downhill Ice skating...Imagine how scary that would be...only someone who's cheese was rapidly sliding off their crackers would think of something as twisted and demented as downhill ice skating...
I thought about events like scaring...you set up this plan to scare someone and then execute it...imagine how inventive it would be....when my friend Michele and i are walking on the reservoir taking pictures and talking all of a sudden a GIANT KING KONG sized gorilla head shows up in the middle of the reservoir and starts moving towards us......or...or....ahead of us across the guardrails a gigantic octopus arm flops down across the road flattening everyone in front of us and sucking them up and pulling into the depths of the reservoir all the while we'd both be screaming like suicidal bombers in WWII......contestants would be graded on how fearful the victims appeared, intensity of screaming (hmmmm maybe a scream chart is needed)and creativity....
It's an idea i don't know if it will ever happen but could you imagine?? LOL
Monday, October 5, 2009
Mary is having a baby!
My friend called me last night said she had to tell me something before i heard it in the A & P ...When you live in a small town everybody knows everybody's business...I swear to God there is nothing you can do in a small town without someone gossiping about it...There was this one time:
Starting in say 7th or 8th grade, i think, you were allowed to aquire a permission slip signed by a parent to go uptown during lunch time. I was headed uptown..... smoking a cigarette.... before i got past theVictory store on main street which has since then been a Great American Supermarket, and now i believe it's a church....isnt it weird people are praying where once as a child i threw up... It's very unsettling to me.....anyways....i was walking up main street and before i got to the Victory my mother received a phone call letting her know i was walking up main street smoking. My mother told the person who called her to mind her own business i had permission to smoke.....
Anyways any time Barb and I have something to tell each other we don't want someone else tell first we'll say, "I have to tell you something before you hear it in the A & P"....so I knew it was something serious...I mentally braced myself... "Ok...what's up"... there was a short pause... "Mary's having a baby" ....Those words just bounced there for a minute....."Our Mary is having a baby"... Barb knew exactly what was going on...she told me then to call her back when it sunk in...that was about 6ish last night...I called her 7ish tonight....It still hadn't sunk in but after Barb and I hung up it sunk in....Tears rolled down my cheeks and i thought back through the years to the very first time i saw her....
I have known Mary since before the night she went to bed with dad and woke up with mom....(reread and think about it...ha ha ha) I have watched her grow and everyday of her life become this amazing young woman....When Mary was a baby & Ben, my son, was just over a year old I spent alot of time with Barb and Alan...Alan, Mary's dad, i have known all my life....i cannot remember a time when I didnt know Alan...(That's small town life for you,....) Barb, Mary's mom, i met while pregnant for Ben. That makes twenty two years....so many thing running through my mind....
The day I met Mary I went to the house they brought her home to on 28....when that baby was given to me to hold from the moment i looked into her beautiful blue eyes i fell head over heels in love with her...she filled a spot in my heart that was waiting for her....All of her life i have known her....at times spending little time with her but always revisiting.... spending time...and getting reaquainted...
Now I sit here thinking it over.... I'm in shock....The tears have rolled down my cheeks more then once...I can't believe it....this amazing girl that i have known all her life is going to be a mom....In a sense even though not by blood I'm going to be a grandma....YEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
P.S.
Special note to Mary:
I am very excited and happy for you... I KNOW you are going to be a fabulous mom...with your parents you can't miss... If your baby learns to be half the person you are ...it can't miss at being a great person....I love you Mary and i look forward to being a part of your life as you move in to parenthood... ANYTIME you need a sitter call me!
PS.PS.
I hope it's twins....One of each!
Starting in say 7th or 8th grade, i think, you were allowed to aquire a permission slip signed by a parent to go uptown during lunch time. I was headed uptown..... smoking a cigarette.... before i got past theVictory store on main street which has since then been a Great American Supermarket, and now i believe it's a church....isnt it weird people are praying where once as a child i threw up... It's very unsettling to me.....anyways....i was walking up main street and before i got to the Victory my mother received a phone call letting her know i was walking up main street smoking. My mother told the person who called her to mind her own business i had permission to smoke.....
Anyways any time Barb and I have something to tell each other we don't want someone else tell first we'll say, "I have to tell you something before you hear it in the A & P"....so I knew it was something serious...I mentally braced myself... "Ok...what's up"... there was a short pause... "Mary's having a baby" ....Those words just bounced there for a minute....."Our Mary is having a baby"... Barb knew exactly what was going on...she told me then to call her back when it sunk in...that was about 6ish last night...I called her 7ish tonight....It still hadn't sunk in but after Barb and I hung up it sunk in....Tears rolled down my cheeks and i thought back through the years to the very first time i saw her....
I have known Mary since before the night she went to bed with dad and woke up with mom....(reread and think about it...ha ha ha) I have watched her grow and everyday of her life become this amazing young woman....When Mary was a baby & Ben, my son, was just over a year old I spent alot of time with Barb and Alan...Alan, Mary's dad, i have known all my life....i cannot remember a time when I didnt know Alan...(That's small town life for you,....) Barb, Mary's mom, i met while pregnant for Ben. That makes twenty two years....so many thing running through my mind....
The day I met Mary I went to the house they brought her home to on 28....when that baby was given to me to hold from the moment i looked into her beautiful blue eyes i fell head over heels in love with her...she filled a spot in my heart that was waiting for her....All of her life i have known her....at times spending little time with her but always revisiting.... spending time...and getting reaquainted...
Now I sit here thinking it over.... I'm in shock....The tears have rolled down my cheeks more then once...I can't believe it....this amazing girl that i have known all her life is going to be a mom....In a sense even though not by blood I'm going to be a grandma....YEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
P.S.
Special note to Mary:
I am very excited and happy for you... I KNOW you are going to be a fabulous mom...with your parents you can't miss... If your baby learns to be half the person you are ...it can't miss at being a great person....I love you Mary and i look forward to being a part of your life as you move in to parenthood... ANYTIME you need a sitter call me!
PS.PS.
I hope it's twins....One of each!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Laundromat
Once again I find myself sitting amongst the vibrating, screeching, tumbling echos of the laundromat. People in the laundromat....it give a whole new perspective of the human condition.
The first person to catch my attention is a woman who has taken over two full banks of washers that will take up to six regular loads in each one... looking at her as she gathers her things I realize she's a mother who hasn't done laundry in a few weeks... How do i know? she brought her laundry in lawn & leaf bags and the amount of bags alone fills up one of those deep laundry baskets on wheels three fourths of the way up and has the look on her face that says "I can't believe I'm doing this AGAIN! life sucks"
Just two rows away from Mrs. life sucks is Mr. Life sucks! NoOOoooO!!!! Noooo NO!!!!! They are not together as in husband and wife....they are together however by expression.. He's wearing one of those "You might be a redneck if" T-shirts...it's pulled up above his hairy fat belly button..his cap proclaiming his prowess as the world's Greatest fisherman...his holy sweatpants catch your attention because you could have sworn you saw something move in them....NOOOOO not that!!!!....you can see his tighty somethings i don't know if that color is still considered white....and then to finish this fashion idol outfit of the week is combat boots... not your run of the mill combat boots they are camouflage combat boots....untied.... the overall effect of the entire presentation of these two is too much for me and i have to step outside and get some air.....
this is where i used to smoke but since i quit smoking February 10th i just stood out there laughing...filing away the scene so i can share it with you....
Then in comes college students wearing hoodies of their various schools, sweats and looking like they haven't slept in four days,they have that 'hangover smell" , stale beer & cold pizza...never going to make it to classes... but hey we're doing laundry we're good!
The old ladies are another subset of people all together.. you have you ritzy botox loving sophisticate who walks in with a Gucci laundry bag on wheels...her outfit is form fitting and she is wearing a trendy blouse after she gets her wash going she stands there like a hooker...hip thrust out to one side...she sounds like she is trying to suck a piece of spinach from between her teeth.......you know that if she was allowed to smoke inside she would be... complaining all the while about how long it took the washer to do it's job.... not admitting to anyone she is just there to be around people...her washer and dryer at home work just fine.
The grandmotherly type comes in just to wash her quilts and afghans...she is short and round and cuddly looking...a twinkle in her eye that I interpret as laughter....she most likely smells like fresh baked anything....she's the type of woman you love to hug because she brings you comfort just by being who she is. I once saw a grandmotherly type who was wearing a hunter green winter cape... all i could think of was Mother Goose in a really old book of nursery rhymes that my family had when we were children...I miss that book i wonder if someone from my family has it or is it just another thing that has faded into the past like so many other things...
There she goes....lil miss sorority...the rich college girl who is going to be in a sorority as soon as she does her load of delicates in a 'public washer' .. but you know that later that night the whole sorority will burn the panties she washed in the public laundromat. you know full well that she never touched a bottle of laundry soap and she never will again after she does this hazing thing...
The new mom is the next to come in...you can tell she was very careful how she dressed... made sure her hair was done... the laundry bag is even spotless...you can tell she wants to prove to the world that she Has conquered this new mother thing....but then the look you catch in her eyes tells you there's nothing she would love more then to sleep for a week....
Men in the laundromat.... another enigma that always seems to make me smile... you have your young men who are still full tilt into trolling the bars and looking for single women everywhere to put another notch in their bedposts so to speak....they are not at all suddle i in fact heard a guy say to a girl "If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" oh GAG me with a spoon....modern hip girls actually fall for this?? ....the one i watched giggled and thrusts her near breasts out so the made tiny lil mounds against her size too small t-shirt....another candidate for the IBTC....For those who do not know the IBTC is the Itty Bitty Titty Committee....whats that?? it's the committee for small breasted women who have fried eggs where their boobs should be (trying to remember who had this t-shirt when i was a teenager (ha ha cringe, girl, cringe) or a girl who bought a one size fits all bra and it's too big...(not mentioning any names there either))
Now back on subject....lol....my mind flies in so many directions while I'm typing i think i have a form of ADD but only for when I'm typing.....i currently have three blogs in the works...there i go again....
MEN....Laundromats....MEN in LAUNDROMATS.... O.K. I think i am sufficiently refocused....Newsboys hats...men in newsboy hats in laundromats...you know what hats i mean don't you?....the one that if you see an old man driving wearing a hat of this type you move waaaaaaaaaay out of his way.....this kind:
The first person to catch my attention is a woman who has taken over two full banks of washers that will take up to six regular loads in each one... looking at her as she gathers her things I realize she's a mother who hasn't done laundry in a few weeks... How do i know? she brought her laundry in lawn & leaf bags and the amount of bags alone fills up one of those deep laundry baskets on wheels three fourths of the way up and has the look on her face that says "I can't believe I'm doing this AGAIN! life sucks"
Just two rows away from Mrs. life sucks is Mr. Life sucks! NoOOoooO!!!! Noooo NO!!!!! They are not together as in husband and wife....they are together however by expression.. He's wearing one of those "You might be a redneck if" T-shirts...it's pulled up above his hairy fat belly button..his cap proclaiming his prowess as the world's Greatest fisherman...his holy sweatpants catch your attention because you could have sworn you saw something move in them....NOOOOO not that!!!!....you can see his tighty somethings i don't know if that color is still considered white....and then to finish this fashion idol outfit of the week is combat boots... not your run of the mill combat boots they are camouflage combat boots....untied.... the overall effect of the entire presentation of these two is too much for me and i have to step outside and get some air.....
this is where i used to smoke but since i quit smoking February 10th i just stood out there laughing...filing away the scene so i can share it with you....
Then in comes college students wearing hoodies of their various schools, sweats and looking like they haven't slept in four days,they have that 'hangover smell" , stale beer & cold pizza...never going to make it to classes... but hey we're doing laundry we're good!
The old ladies are another subset of people all together.. you have you ritzy botox loving sophisticate who walks in with a Gucci laundry bag on wheels...her outfit is form fitting and she is wearing a trendy blouse after she gets her wash going she stands there like a hooker...hip thrust out to one side...she sounds like she is trying to suck a piece of spinach from between her teeth.......you know that if she was allowed to smoke inside she would be... complaining all the while about how long it took the washer to do it's job.... not admitting to anyone she is just there to be around people...her washer and dryer at home work just fine.
The grandmotherly type comes in just to wash her quilts and afghans...she is short and round and cuddly looking...a twinkle in her eye that I interpret as laughter....she most likely smells like fresh baked anything....she's the type of woman you love to hug because she brings you comfort just by being who she is. I once saw a grandmotherly type who was wearing a hunter green winter cape... all i could think of was Mother Goose in a really old book of nursery rhymes that my family had when we were children...I miss that book i wonder if someone from my family has it or is it just another thing that has faded into the past like so many other things...
There she goes....lil miss sorority...the rich college girl who is going to be in a sorority as soon as she does her load of delicates in a 'public washer' .. but you know that later that night the whole sorority will burn the panties she washed in the public laundromat. you know full well that she never touched a bottle of laundry soap and she never will again after she does this hazing thing...
The new mom is the next to come in...you can tell she was very careful how she dressed... made sure her hair was done... the laundry bag is even spotless...you can tell she wants to prove to the world that she Has conquered this new mother thing....but then the look you catch in her eyes tells you there's nothing she would love more then to sleep for a week....
Men in the laundromat.... another enigma that always seems to make me smile... you have your young men who are still full tilt into trolling the bars and looking for single women everywhere to put another notch in their bedposts so to speak....they are not at all suddle i in fact heard a guy say to a girl "If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" oh GAG me with a spoon....modern hip girls actually fall for this?? ....the one i watched giggled and thrusts her near breasts out so the made tiny lil mounds against her size too small t-shirt....another candidate for the IBTC....For those who do not know the IBTC is the Itty Bitty Titty Committee....whats that?? it's the committee for small breasted women who have fried eggs where their boobs should be (trying to remember who had this t-shirt when i was a teenager (ha ha cringe, girl, cringe) or a girl who bought a one size fits all bra and it's too big...(not mentioning any names there either))
Now back on subject....lol....my mind flies in so many directions while I'm typing i think i have a form of ADD but only for when I'm typing.....i currently have three blogs in the works...there i go again....
MEN....Laundromats....MEN in LAUNDROMATS.... O.K. I think i am sufficiently refocused....Newsboys hats...men in newsboy hats in laundromats...you know what hats i mean don't you?....the one that if you see an old man driving wearing a hat of this type you move waaaaaaaaaay out of his way.....this kind:
While on the road you do everything you can avoid these men in the laundromat i strongly recommend if you've a need for entertainment grab a seat and just listen to him talk....this is a guy who has lived his life...life wasn't necessarily easy for him but he did it....he was in the service...maybe even a Vietnam Vet...he's raised his family ...he's a grandpa....raised a grand kid or two.....is still married and loves his wife with all his heart and soul...he is still living life....traveling...visiting family and friends....seeing the things and doing the things that life would not allow him to do until at this time of his life....he is very friendly and will pretty much stand around talking as long as he has an audience...he gives you so much hope... even on the worst day you will think of him and smile the hope that when you are his age you will be as content as he is.....it's all you can really hope for....that when you reach your golden years you too will have the smile of the 'Old Man' in the laundromat.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The Fart Chart
Anyone in my family (both sides) can tell you how much we all enjoy farting... You can not deny it. We all do it... it's a natural thing... think about it...there has to be at the bare minimum half a dozen time in your life (in my house it's half a dozen times a day) that you let one go and said "Oh Mannnnnnn i wish my husband/ wife/ sister/mother/ grandparents/ boss/ priest/ friend/dog/ teacher/ cousin / aunt/ uncle etc etc etc. had heard/ smelled/ran from/ choked on/ cried/ gasped/ fainted/ puked/ died from that fart ...
If you really think about it your life is punctuated by memorable farts!! There is probably not one occasion that you can think of that is not punctuated by a fart...literally....you do it every day whether you want to admit it or not...! It doesn't have to be a public fart it can be private fart...A fart that only you know you did it but everyone else is getting blamed.
(click the picture to read bottom)
I am going to once again reference back to my first blog about growing up 'Kurdt' in a 'Squires" world. As a kid and young adult growing up in our home i was the least fartiest of all of us. I hear the moans and groans and the yeah rights but i have to say with competition such as my father, The great and noble 'Spook" who would be out working, hunting, drinking with his friends and doing the things only Spook would do he would come in.... lay on the couch watching TV.... and if he was lucky he would suck one of us kids into rubbing his feet and he would trap us right there in the line of fire with the foulest nastiest cloud of green fog.... his unique mixture of leeks, pickled eggs, and Genny Cream Ale whooshing out of his ass....sorry but no other word i tried fit there quite as well as ass....We would be gasping in horror...gagging....tears rolling down our cheeks because the velocity of his fart sucked all moisture out our eyes...he would have us locked there between his legs and he would be laughing so hard he was crying but not from the smell but because he sucked one of us naive children to sit there again....every day he would get one of us....then as the memory of the fart he did to us faded to mere sulfur he would sucks us back in...I remember once when I was pregnant i was sitting on the end of the couch and he let one of his foul monsters go and i slapped him on the thigh as i tried to get up(he didn't dare hold me there because i was HUGELY pregnant). He had a welt that raised a quarter inch off his thigh and my hand stung like you can't believe. I apologized and i really tried to be sincere but inside i was saying "haha ha ya bastard i finally got a little even!"
Another big Fart Moment in my life was ohhhh let's see i was about 13 or 14 and our family always the ones for cheap entertainment had somehow devised the infamous "Fart Chart" . The fart chart gave points for every aspect of the fart... length, smell, volume etc... we each had our names on there and received points every time a fart emanated into the room....there were all kinds of rules too... you couldn't just say you farted....there had to be at least 2 or 3 other family members around to witness the fart and to agree on the points... it became a very involved fun form of entertainment for the family...The Fart Chart was made on a piece of poster paper and was proudly displayed on the wall that ran from the living room into the kitchen...it was actually way more into the kitchen then the living room....
The chart was hanging there in it's spot on the wall and there was a knock on the front door....Mom answers it it's the reverend from the church up the street...he's come to talk to mom about vacation bible school or something i can't remember what...Mom invited him to sit and asked him if he wanted anything well the Reverend said he would go into the kitchen with mom and she turned and started to go in and suddenly stopped and turned around facing the Reverend and looking at me and, i think, my brother making those little jerky motions trying to tell us to take down the chart and we acted like we were 'at the airport' mom was getting so frustrated because she did not want the Reverend to see the fart chart and could not say anything directly....finally she gave up on trying to get us to do it and just turned around.... went into the kitchen dragging the fart chart off the wall and crumpling it....to this day i don't know if the Reverend saw it...after that day mom tried to say no more Fart Charts....needless to say it didn't work....i think if we look hard enough we might find one in the house someday...
As you can see dad and Lisa are on there at the top.... they continually fought to out do each other.....seriously, as i said in the beginning, i was the least fartiest of us all...for every one good fart i had the rest of the family had ten make you hang your heads out the window when it's ten below out.... gasping for breath farts. Even my maternal grandmother was fartier then me... I remember one day after she had broken her hip she was using a walker to help her navigate through the house....she had stood up at her chair in the living room and every little step she took she farted....so you would hear the shuffle of her slippered feet the scrape of the walker on the floor and phhhhhhhhfffffftttttt, shuffle scrape phffffffftttttttttttt, shuffle scrape phhhhffftttttttttt..... after about the third step Grandma started laughing and couldn't stop...she was laughing so hard the tears were rolling down her cheeks....so then you hear her laughing gasping phfffttttttt, laughing gasping phhhhhhhhfffftttttttt.....luckiily i believe my mother was home too because grandma got 1000 points for musicalness on the fart chart... No one has ever never ever even once come close to being near to beating Grandma for musicalness....in my eyes to beat Grandma it would have to be someone really special and they would have to fart an aria from 'la boheme' or something equally impressive to beat her.....
If you really think about it your life is punctuated by memorable farts!! There is probably not one occasion that you can think of that is not punctuated by a fart...literally....you do it every day whether you want to admit it or not...! It doesn't have to be a public fart it can be private fart...A fart that only you know you did it but everyone else is getting blamed.
(click the picture to read bottom)
I am going to once again reference back to my first blog about growing up 'Kurdt' in a 'Squires" world. As a kid and young adult growing up in our home i was the least fartiest of all of us. I hear the moans and groans and the yeah rights but i have to say with competition such as my father, The great and noble 'Spook" who would be out working, hunting, drinking with his friends and doing the things only Spook would do he would come in.... lay on the couch watching TV.... and if he was lucky he would suck one of us kids into rubbing his feet and he would trap us right there in the line of fire with the foulest nastiest cloud of green fog.... his unique mixture of leeks, pickled eggs, and Genny Cream Ale whooshing out of his ass....sorry but no other word i tried fit there quite as well as ass....We would be gasping in horror...gagging....tears rolling down our cheeks because the velocity of his fart sucked all moisture out our eyes...he would have us locked there between his legs and he would be laughing so hard he was crying but not from the smell but because he sucked one of us naive children to sit there again....every day he would get one of us....then as the memory of the fart he did to us faded to mere sulfur he would sucks us back in...I remember once when I was pregnant i was sitting on the end of the couch and he let one of his foul monsters go and i slapped him on the thigh as i tried to get up(he didn't dare hold me there because i was HUGELY pregnant). He had a welt that raised a quarter inch off his thigh and my hand stung like you can't believe. I apologized and i really tried to be sincere but inside i was saying "haha ha ya bastard i finally got a little even!"
Another big Fart Moment in my life was ohhhh let's see i was about 13 or 14 and our family always the ones for cheap entertainment had somehow devised the infamous "Fart Chart" . The fart chart gave points for every aspect of the fart... length, smell, volume etc... we each had our names on there and received points every time a fart emanated into the room....there were all kinds of rules too... you couldn't just say you farted....there had to be at least 2 or 3 other family members around to witness the fart and to agree on the points... it became a very involved fun form of entertainment for the family...The Fart Chart was made on a piece of poster paper and was proudly displayed on the wall that ran from the living room into the kitchen...it was actually way more into the kitchen then the living room....
The chart was hanging there in it's spot on the wall and there was a knock on the front door....Mom answers it it's the reverend from the church up the street...he's come to talk to mom about vacation bible school or something i can't remember what...Mom invited him to sit and asked him if he wanted anything well the Reverend said he would go into the kitchen with mom and she turned and started to go in and suddenly stopped and turned around facing the Reverend and looking at me and, i think, my brother making those little jerky motions trying to tell us to take down the chart and we acted like we were 'at the airport' mom was getting so frustrated because she did not want the Reverend to see the fart chart and could not say anything directly....finally she gave up on trying to get us to do it and just turned around.... went into the kitchen dragging the fart chart off the wall and crumpling it....to this day i don't know if the Reverend saw it...after that day mom tried to say no more Fart Charts....needless to say it didn't work....i think if we look hard enough we might find one in the house someday...
As you can see dad and Lisa are on there at the top.... they continually fought to out do each other.....seriously, as i said in the beginning, i was the least fartiest of us all...for every one good fart i had the rest of the family had ten make you hang your heads out the window when it's ten below out.... gasping for breath farts. Even my maternal grandmother was fartier then me... I remember one day after she had broken her hip she was using a walker to help her navigate through the house....she had stood up at her chair in the living room and every little step she took she farted....so you would hear the shuffle of her slippered feet the scrape of the walker on the floor and phhhhhhhhfffffftttttt, shuffle scrape phffffffftttttttttttt, shuffle scrape phhhhffftttttttttt..... after about the third step Grandma started laughing and couldn't stop...she was laughing so hard the tears were rolling down her cheeks....so then you hear her laughing gasping phfffttttttt, laughing gasping phhhhhhhhfffftttttttt.....luckiily i believe my mother was home too because grandma got 1000 points for musicalness on the fart chart... No one has ever never ever even once come close to being near to beating Grandma for musicalness....in my eyes to beat Grandma it would have to be someone really special and they would have to fart an aria from 'la boheme' or something equally impressive to beat her.....
Ohhhh I could go on for at least another ten to fifteen paragraphs about memorable farts in my life...like when my sister got married and I had such a hot steamy fart that i had to run into the bathroom at the church just before the ceremony and make sure i had not sharted in my stockings (definition below)....but i wont mention that....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sharted -- v- a cross between a fart and a shit.
Friday, September 25, 2009
My Own Language
Language... what is it? It's words...Dictionary.com defines word as:
word –noun
1.a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Then there was a whole bunch of other stuff. How profound is it that something as simple as a word can change the entire course of events, make history, cause laughter & bring you to tears.
Words have always (well almost always) been my means of expressing myself...Back in middle school and high school some of my teachers had me keep a journal...The very first teacher to make me do this was Ms. Lemke... Everyday i had to write in this journal my teacher didn't care what we wrote as long as we wrote something. At first I hated the idea of doing this and hated the fact that at the beginning of every class we HAD to write in our journals for five whole minutes... Being the rebellious, PMSing little 'witch' that I was would sit at my desk and for the entire five minutes writing iF yoU Cee Kay or Sugar Honey Iced Tea (read the capitalized letter of each word) time after time...
The first time I turned in the notebook for a grade Ms. Lemke handed mine back to me and told me how creative my mind was... I busted out laughing and sat back in my chair with a whole new respect for my teacher... I completely expected to be sent to the principles office or at the very least get some detention for being such a wise ass. .. Nope...Not going to happen... she later told me (years later) that she laughed so hard she cried when she looked over my journal...she said she could not fail me because i did what she asked...I wrote every day...the fact that i chose in my smartassedness to write curses everyday did not change the fact that I wrote every day just as she asked.
From that moment on my world changed. I started writing EVERYTHING short stories, poems, long stories, children's stories...after that day a notebook & pen were always close at hand...I wrote about my hopes, my dreams, my loves and my heartbreaks...I wrote when i was happy .... i wrote when i was sad.... i remember one time i was crying so hard as i wrote the words smeared into a blob on the page...when i turned the notebook in she wrote 'is everything OK?' next to the smear of words...for the life of me i cannot remember why i was so upset...It had become my outlet...writing...words...language...it saved my soul helped me discover who I was and what i was going to be in this life.
For a long time after I graduated high school i still wrote...but i was not writing as often as i had in school...slowly over time i stopped writing all together and events in life kept me from starting again....well if i wanted to be honest i should retract that and say i chose not to write for a long time because i did not feel secure enough to express myself with the written word... Then back somewhere in the early nineties the most amazing thing i had seen in years was in my house a COMPUTER...it was like in the cartoons when Tom was chasing Jerry and smashed into the wall so hard he stuck there for a few seconds then slid down like he was made of paste....the words just started to flow out of me and i started writing a journal again...then i discovered a chat room that had a whole slew of creative people and chatting helped me to tone up my typing skills...now i am a four or even sometimes a five fingered pecker now....i was a two finger pecker back then....
As i mentioned i have grown and changed over time...now as i ease into my middle forties i am becoming more secure in myself and am finally coming into my own person... the words that flow from my fingers and burst onto the blog will help me once again express myself in ways that nothing else can do...to allow me to share the feelings in my heart and soul for those i love and the patience for those who seem to want to test my ability to look at the lighter side of expression...yes there is also a 'dark" side to expression....words can also be used to hurt....to lie...to spit venomous descriptions at each other...it is my goal not to use my words in a venomous way...
think....use your words....have your own language....express yourself!
word –noun
1.a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Then there was a whole bunch of other stuff. How profound is it that something as simple as a word can change the entire course of events, make history, cause laughter & bring you to tears.
Words have always (well almost always) been my means of expressing myself...Back in middle school and high school some of my teachers had me keep a journal...The very first teacher to make me do this was Ms. Lemke... Everyday i had to write in this journal my teacher didn't care what we wrote as long as we wrote something. At first I hated the idea of doing this and hated the fact that at the beginning of every class we HAD to write in our journals for five whole minutes... Being the rebellious, PMSing little 'witch' that I was would sit at my desk and for the entire five minutes writing iF yoU Cee Kay or Sugar Honey Iced Tea (read the capitalized letter of each word) time after time...
The first time I turned in the notebook for a grade Ms. Lemke handed mine back to me and told me how creative my mind was... I busted out laughing and sat back in my chair with a whole new respect for my teacher... I completely expected to be sent to the principles office or at the very least get some detention for being such a wise ass. .. Nope...Not going to happen... she later told me (years later) that she laughed so hard she cried when she looked over my journal...she said she could not fail me because i did what she asked...I wrote every day...the fact that i chose in my smartassedness to write curses everyday did not change the fact that I wrote every day just as she asked.
From that moment on my world changed. I started writing EVERYTHING short stories, poems, long stories, children's stories...after that day a notebook & pen were always close at hand...I wrote about my hopes, my dreams, my loves and my heartbreaks...I wrote when i was happy .... i wrote when i was sad.... i remember one time i was crying so hard as i wrote the words smeared into a blob on the page...when i turned the notebook in she wrote 'is everything OK?' next to the smear of words...for the life of me i cannot remember why i was so upset...It had become my outlet...writing...words...language...it saved my soul helped me discover who I was and what i was going to be in this life.
For a long time after I graduated high school i still wrote...but i was not writing as often as i had in school...slowly over time i stopped writing all together and events in life kept me from starting again....well if i wanted to be honest i should retract that and say i chose not to write for a long time because i did not feel secure enough to express myself with the written word... Then back somewhere in the early nineties the most amazing thing i had seen in years was in my house a COMPUTER...it was like in the cartoons when Tom was chasing Jerry and smashed into the wall so hard he stuck there for a few seconds then slid down like he was made of paste....the words just started to flow out of me and i started writing a journal again...then i discovered a chat room that had a whole slew of creative people and chatting helped me to tone up my typing skills...now i am a four or even sometimes a five fingered pecker now....i was a two finger pecker back then....
As i mentioned i have grown and changed over time...now as i ease into my middle forties i am becoming more secure in myself and am finally coming into my own person... the words that flow from my fingers and burst onto the blog will help me once again express myself in ways that nothing else can do...to allow me to share the feelings in my heart and soul for those i love and the patience for those who seem to want to test my ability to look at the lighter side of expression...yes there is also a 'dark" side to expression....words can also be used to hurt....to lie...to spit venomous descriptions at each other...it is my goal not to use my words in a venomous way...
think....use your words....have your own language....express yourself!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
A Kurdt to the Bone
As everyone knows you come from two people. You also know that these two people are called your parents. You have a mother with her side of the family and a father with his side of the family.
I have recently been reminded more then once how much like my mother i am.
There was a time in my life when i would have died if anyone said that. No teenage girl wants to be told that she looks like her mother or that she acts like her mother... to be associated with their families. All i ever wanted when i lived at home was to blend in and look like my siblings who looked more like my father's side of the family. The Squires side of the family.
Growing up in Margaretville being a Squires was something to be proud of! My dad was born and raised there! I was literally (not in a redneck way... lol) related to half the town. I had cousins, Aunts, uncles and grandparents EVERYWHERE. I could not go anywhere without running into a relative. Yes, I know, that can be a good thing or a bad thing... we'll revisit that at another time. Anyways, let's get back on track.
Through my eyes every female Squires was beautiful and every male relative was among the best looking males around. You should have heard everyone asking about my male cousins when they realized I, of all people, was a Squires more then once i had 'friends' because they wanted to meet my cousins or even my brother. I looked at my relatives and saw everything that i was not. They were all tall, slim, athletic, smart, funny etc... etc... etc.
Then there was me. Not really tall, not slim, not athletic, not smart but not stupid either with my green eyes, not blue like my dad, not beautiful brown like my mom, just green eyes, reddish hair, dad had dark hair, and certainly not dirty blond like my cousins.... reddish brown and so stupendously curly that i felt like Annie from 'The sun will come out tomorrow' fame. I can't begin to tell you how much time i spent straightening my wildly curly hair wishing it fell in soft waves down my back like my sister,Tracy's did her so dark it was almost black hair or straight in a glimmering curtain of dirty blond down to my waist like my sister Lisa. I never felt like a Squires, which was also egged on by my wonderful (insert eye roll here) older sister who had me convinced for years and years that i was NOT her real sister. Tracy had me to the point of being so upset by her teasing that i actually remember asking my mother if she found me somewhere or if i was adopted. I'm not the only one she did this to she had Lisa convinced she was from a Cabbage Patch.
Most of the year was like that I was constantly wishing i was more like the Squires side of my family. But then a school vacation would come or summer. I can remember last days of school when more then two full months of freedom stretched out before me with the promise of reconnecting with my "Kurdt" family. I would finally be entrenched in the side of the family that i looked more like. It was the most awesome feeling in the world!!! My Kurdt cousins had curly hair, green eyes, the same shaped face now was the time for me to 'fit' in.
It is amazing to me to think back and remember how i felt back all those years ago...
Just a couple weeks ago one of my Kurdt cousins got married. There was a lot of laughing with my mother's side. I heard many many times how much i look like my mother... Aunt Jean, who has Alzheimer's called me Lois...and i just looked at her and smiled...i kissed her cheek.... hugged her close... It was the first time in a long time that i felt my mother was near...
I know that my mother changed a lot before she died. I know that when i was a teenager and into my early twenties that no matter what i was going through & no matter what i needed my mother was there for me. She was my very best friend and confidant. I loved my mother with all my heart and soul and i know now that without her i would not be who i am,. And who I am is:
A Kurdt to the bone..
I have recently been reminded more then once how much like my mother i am.
There was a time in my life when i would have died if anyone said that. No teenage girl wants to be told that she looks like her mother or that she acts like her mother... to be associated with their families. All i ever wanted when i lived at home was to blend in and look like my siblings who looked more like my father's side of the family. The Squires side of the family.
Growing up in Margaretville being a Squires was something to be proud of! My dad was born and raised there! I was literally (not in a redneck way... lol) related to half the town. I had cousins, Aunts, uncles and grandparents EVERYWHERE. I could not go anywhere without running into a relative. Yes, I know, that can be a good thing or a bad thing... we'll revisit that at another time. Anyways, let's get back on track.
Through my eyes every female Squires was beautiful and every male relative was among the best looking males around. You should have heard everyone asking about my male cousins when they realized I, of all people, was a Squires more then once i had 'friends' because they wanted to meet my cousins or even my brother. I looked at my relatives and saw everything that i was not. They were all tall, slim, athletic, smart, funny etc... etc... etc.
Then there was me. Not really tall, not slim, not athletic, not smart but not stupid either with my green eyes, not blue like my dad, not beautiful brown like my mom, just green eyes, reddish hair, dad had dark hair, and certainly not dirty blond like my cousins.... reddish brown and so stupendously curly that i felt like Annie from 'The sun will come out tomorrow' fame. I can't begin to tell you how much time i spent straightening my wildly curly hair wishing it fell in soft waves down my back like my sister,Tracy's did her so dark it was almost black hair or straight in a glimmering curtain of dirty blond down to my waist like my sister Lisa. I never felt like a Squires, which was also egged on by my wonderful (insert eye roll here) older sister who had me convinced for years and years that i was NOT her real sister. Tracy had me to the point of being so upset by her teasing that i actually remember asking my mother if she found me somewhere or if i was adopted. I'm not the only one she did this to she had Lisa convinced she was from a Cabbage Patch.
Most of the year was like that I was constantly wishing i was more like the Squires side of my family. But then a school vacation would come or summer. I can remember last days of school when more then two full months of freedom stretched out before me with the promise of reconnecting with my "Kurdt" family. I would finally be entrenched in the side of the family that i looked more like. It was the most awesome feeling in the world!!! My Kurdt cousins had curly hair, green eyes, the same shaped face now was the time for me to 'fit' in.
It is amazing to me to think back and remember how i felt back all those years ago...
Just a couple weeks ago one of my Kurdt cousins got married. There was a lot of laughing with my mother's side. I heard many many times how much i look like my mother... Aunt Jean, who has Alzheimer's called me Lois...and i just looked at her and smiled...i kissed her cheek.... hugged her close... It was the first time in a long time that i felt my mother was near...
I know that my mother changed a lot before she died. I know that when i was a teenager and into my early twenties that no matter what i was going through & no matter what i needed my mother was there for me. She was my very best friend and confidant. I loved my mother with all my heart and soul and i know now that without her i would not be who i am,. And who I am is:
A Kurdt to the bone..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)